Losing a loved one is an incredibly challenging experience, and when it comes to supporting children through grief and loss, it can be especially complex. Children have unique emotional needs and questions that may not always be easy to address. As parents, caregivers, or trusted adults, it’s essential that we provide them with the support and guidance they need during this difficult time.
- Honesty is the Best Policy
When discussing death with children, it’s vital to be honest and straightforward, using age-appropriate language. Avoid euphemisms like “they’ve gone to sleep” or “they’re on a long journey,” as these can lead to confusion or fear. Instead, gently but honestly explain what has happened. - Encourage Questions
Children may have a lot of questions about death, and it’s important to create a safe space where they feel comfortable asking them. Be prepared to answer their questions truthfully, even if you don’t have all the answers. It’s okay to say, “I don’t know,” and explore the answers together. - Listen Actively
One of the most powerful ways to support children in grief is to listen actively. Encourage them to share their feelings and thoughts, and when they do, offer empathy and validation. Avoid dismissing or downplaying their emotions. Instead, acknowledge their pain and sadness. - Express Your Own Grief
It’s okay for children to see your grief. It shows them that it’s natural to feel sadness and that it’s okay to express those feelings. However, ensure that you also convey a sense of resilience and coping, demonstrating that it’s possible to heal over time. - Use Age-Appropriate Resources
There are many age-appropriate books, movies, and online resources designed to help children understand and cope with death. These resources can be valuable tools for explaining complex emotions and processes. - Maintain Routines and Stability
Children thrive on routine and stability, especially during times of upheaval. Try to maintain their regular routines as much as possible, as it provides a sense of security. - Offer Comfort Objects
Comfort objects like stuffed animals or blankets can provide a sense of security and comfort during times of grief. Encourage children to use these items when they need them. - Involve Them in Memorialising
Include children in the memorialisation process, allowing them to create artwork or letters to remember their loved one. This can be a therapeutic way for them to express their feelings. - Seek Professional Help if Needed
If you notice prolonged or severe distress in your child, consider seeking the help of a grief counsellor or therapist who specialises in children’s grief. They can provide valuable support and coping strategies. - Be Patient with Healing
Grief is a unique journey for each individual, including children. Be patient and understanding of their process, and avoid imposing your timeline for healing on them.
Thank you for all you do at Oakleigh to educate people about death, dying and how to cope with grief. I lost a cousin when I was ten years old and another cousin when I was fifteen. Both times I felt fobbed off as a grieving child. It was as if I did not matter, I was not allowed to attend either funeral. For the adults it was a case of the children did not attend funerals. We as children were not included in the grieving process. When I tried to talk about it with my school friends, none of them were interested because it had not touched them. So once again thank you for all you do to help grieving families!
Hi Cheryl, thank you so much for your comment, it’s much appreciated! Would you mind if we quoted part of it to use on our social pages?